WARNING: Here at the Gentleman Advisor we focus on Life, Love, and Leadership. We strive to stay current with what is happening out there among all of you on a day-to-day basis. We want to make you aware that this article contains sexual references and specifically deals with adult issues. We clearly state that there is nothing provocative within this article, but please be aware when reading it that the content is focused towards adults.
I used to be addicted to porn. Wait! What! That’s right pornography. For some it tends to be a taboo or quieted subject matter, while for others it has become an open part of their personal life. The reason I confess that I was addicted to porn several years ago, is because of the affects it has on men and women alike, just like sexting.
Pornography just doesn’t stop on the magazine page, the screen of your desktop, phone, tablet or laptop. It goes with you everywhere just like sexting. Overtime it begins to manifest in many different forms and one of those forms is “sexting.” The truth is, engaging in sexting is a dangerous activity for both men and women. The aggressive side effects and consequences can be long-term. What may have seemed to be innocent fun could eventually cost you your relationship, marriage, or job.
What is Sexting?
Great question. When you engage in sexting you are choosing to send someone, or receive sexual photos or sexually suggestive messages through a text message or an email. What’s even crazier is according to professional research, those who have sexted or considered the action are more likely than their peers and fellow coworkers to have sexual intercourse quicker. Let’s dig a little deeper on this.
The History of Sexual Explicit Material.
Sexual material has been around for thousands of years. From the stone-made brothels of filled with images in Pompe, Italy to our laptops and smartphones. Drawings, photographs, and movies have been readily available to our society. It was only a few years that someone looking for pornography had to search hard to find it.
The intentional quest through their dad’s private collection or the magazine hidden under their big brother’s mattress, or finding a VHS tape hidden in an uncle’s closet. All that has quickly changed through our advances in technology. Our wonderful advances have actually made sexual exchanges much easier and more powerful than we have ever seen and it’s killing us. With the help of our trusty search engines, combined with a few clicks of a button, individuals can access any type of pornography they desire. This includes sexting and even human trafficking.
It Can Be Situational.
Individuals who reported receiving a sext, well over 25 percent said they forwarded it to someone else. This means if you have or are engaging in sexting, what you thought was between you and whoever else, just might not be so. Also consider the pressure from your peers and co-workers. If your buddies all have sexual photos of other women on their phones and their sharing pictures, they might harass you or pressure you into joining their club. Yes gentlemen these things really do exist.
Have you ever been in love with someone? Do you remember the first time you were in love with them? Think back to all those times that you were willing to do anything for the one you loved so much. Did you ever sext each other or send sexual photos to each other? Maybe you were never in love and just looking for some erotic fun. What’s funny is we never consider the emotional consequences of our actions.
We justify our actions by declaring that: “Sexting isn’t harmful or emotional. It’s not like we’re actually having sex.” Well I hate to break it to you but sexting is extremely emotional and it eventually leads to sexual intercourse. Think of sexting as like building a pyramid over a short period of time. First you start with a broad base of semi-sexual jokes through texting or emails. Next, you build a new layer that goes up to a steady steam of sexual conversation. Eventually, both parties, being very intentional about their sexting conversations, add a new layer. It’s almost as though they’re scheduling “virtual sex” into their schedules. This is why I hate Snap Chat.
Before you know it your sexual pyramid of sexting is reaching the last layer but not the final point yet. Sexting with words now becomes substituted with multiple pictures, videos, voice recordings, and eventually phone calls. Wow how did that happen so quickly? The final point of your sexting pyramid is sexual intercourse itself. Slowly over time that innocent sexting relationship you’ve built has graduated to a full-blown relationship based around nothing but sex…so you think. You can only sit behind the steering wheel of a running car and rev the engine, before you finally begin to drive it.
It’s Not Emotional…So They Say.
Gentlemen how many times has our culture told us that sex or foreplay isn’t emotional or how easy it is to have friends with benefits? No matter who you are, you cannot separate emotions from sex or sexting. The way our bodies were created and our emotions, sex of any type, oral or intercourse an emotional connection is established. Emotional consequences are never considered when a sexting relationship begins. The individual doesn’t realize how it takes a toll on them. Pornography is the same way. At first an individual feels carefree, no strings attached, and invincible. Over time this decreases and shame, guilt, fear, regret and feelings such as “like” or “love” begin to blur together.
Hey buddy, what will happen when the girl you barely know outside of your smartphone relationship starts falling in love with you, but you’re oblivious to it? What happens when you’ve had enough “fun” and want to end it, but you seem to be in to deep? What happens when you you’re too prideful to admit that you’re addicted to the feeling or the adventure? These are all emotional consequences that are never considered because how can sexting be emotional right (Enter my sarcasm)?
What About Your Reputation?
Sexting would never ruin your career or could it? What guy would lose his job over a few “fun sexual text messages or emails?” Don’t fool yourself gentlemen. It happens a lot more than you may think. Believe it or not sexting can actually affect your reputation in or out of the workplace.
First, let’s go back to those naughty photos you sent to that other woman. You know the ones she actually ended up sharing with her best friend. Remember the promise that was stated that they would be deleted and now they somehow made it into cyber space. Now let’s fast-forward to the new dream job you’re applying for. It just so happened that your possible new employer what’s to find out some more information about you. All it took was him having to “Google” your name and he now has a new view of you that you probably never wanted him to see.
You don’t want this! Ever! This applies for more than just a job interview guys. It could even mean getting fired from your current job or even getting divorced.
First, stop doing it right now. This is simple but powerful. Stop sexting right now no matter how deep or how tempting it is. Set safeguards in place and keep them there at all costs. It will be worth it.
Second, if you’re dating don’t go there. Don’t start now. It will only complicate matters between the two of you and your relationship will end badly.
Third, if you’re engaged or married keep it between the two of you. This is a sacred space that has been created just for the two of you. Don’t let anyone else in on the conversation…literally.
Finally, think of it this way. Would you be O.K. with everyone in your house, neighborhood, town, city, or state seeing your private “areas?” Well if you don’t then keep it that way. Don’t send sexual photos through text messages, emails, or videos. This is why it should be reserved for your marriage in the privacy and safety of your bedroom.
We hope that this article has expanded your understanding of the consequences of sexting. Did we miss anything? Is there something we should’ve added? Remember gentlemen stay safe and pure.